Self-Designed Experience:
Physics Research Assistant
Throughout the last two years of my time at UC, I have had the opportunity to work on a research team in a high-energy particle physics experiment group with the physics department. When I first began this project, I remember holding many conflicting thoughts and feelings about it simultaneously. Most of all, I was excited to begin my first research opportunity. But I also felt a sizeable amount of anxiety, which stemmed from my previous bouts with imposter syndrome and insecurities as a growing physicist. Physics does not come easily or quickly to me, and especially as a minority student group in the field, my most difficult moments have often included doubt as to whether I can truly “make it.” Now, as I approach my final semester and reflect on this self-designed honors experience, I am so grateful to say that I finally feel that I belong exactly where I am. One of my personal goals for this project was to acknowledge and appreciate the progress I make. This sounds like a simple task on paper, but in practice, it has been a constant struggle for me to feel good enough to be where I am. Challenges in my studies have frequently led me to feel incapable, but this time, I was determined to let my struggles also be my victories.
One of my weaknesses as a student is coding, and so taking on a research project which is almost entirely centered around programming was a daunting concept. As part of my ongoing reflection, I kept a journal along with my working notes throughout my entire research process. Reading back on my thoughts from start to finish, I am struck by the way they transform from nervous and timid to confident and ambitious. It was very challenging to learn an entirely new coding language, and I fumbled through the early learning stages for longer than I anticipated. Many unexpected challenged arose, such as needing to translate tutorials between types of operating systems and researching new ideas to test as trial-and-error experiments. Nearly every step became prolonged by surprise roadblocks, but the physicists I was learning from were very patient. They helped me to realize that not only is it normal to struggle to learn how to code, but it is actually extremely valuable to work my way through mistakes. I now completely understand why this perspective is shared by coding experts everywhere—encountering bugs is how you learn how to create code that works! I was initially very frustrated by my mistake-ridden drafts of programs, and this sentiment was made clear in my journal. I expressed feeling incapable of mastering the language because I could not get past certain points of confusion. This is where my plan to pair journaling with meditation sprang into action. By sitting with these feelings, they began to transform into something more helpful: motivation. Over time, as I witnessed myself make small breakthroughs, problem-solving started to feel more intuitive.
During my first meeting with my research advisor, he spent a couple of hours going through the history of the experiment we would be working on, the journey that has led scientists to ask the modern-day big questions, and the specific ways that our UC cohort will be tackling our own portion of the task of neutrino detection. The group I am a part of is an experimental high-energy particle physics group under the UC physics department. We work in affiliation with the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, which makes my science-loving heart leap with excitement. Fermilab will partially house the international experiment DUNE that is currently being built. The main goal of groups nationwide who are working with this experiment is to build an artificial intelligence algorithm that will reliably sort, identify, and store the trillions of data hits that will be received during the final experiment. My group specifically is working with simulated data from a prototype version of the detector, ProtoDUNE. We are using something called a sparse neural network to teach a machine to run the algorithm as successfully as possible. My personal contribution has been to take the prototype algorithm through various training sessions to try and optimize the parameters that allow the algorithm to run smoothly. Over the past few months, I have had the wonderful opportunity to share my work with members of the UC physics community, including other experimental and theoretical groups and alumni of the department. It has been so incredibly enriching to learn from other students around me, as all as to continue to learn from the examples left behind by those who went before me.
With this self-designed experience coming to a close, my experience as an honors student is also nearing its end. Out of all the experiences I’ve had throughout this program, this research experience has most strongly connected me to the idea of being a global citizen scholar. To me, being a global citizen scholar comes down to taking the knowledge gained through coursework and transforming it into something that helps the rest of the world. All throughout my undergraduate studies, I have dreamed of being able to use what I learn to make a real contribution to my field, helping to advance it in some way. And after completing this project, I can finally say that I have made a difference. Even if just in some small way, I have helped equip scientists to further advance what humanity as a whole understands about the universe and our place in it, and that is the most valuable task of all.
Artifact: Undergraduate Research Symposium Presentation
Over the summer, the physics department held a virtual research symposium where undergraduate students gave talks summarizing their work. Click on the title side below to view my presentation, which explains the goals of my research as well as the goals of the project at large!
Retroactive Experience:
Adventures in Art School
For an in-depth reflection on this experience and what it taught me, check out my "Gap Year at OSU" video in the Years in Review page!
Artifact: A Poem After Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity
In my Year in Review video, I mention taking a poetry writing class during both semesters at OSU. Over time, I found that many of the themes I kept returning to centered around the beauty I see in physics and math! Below is one such themed poem--it is a sonnet crown, which is seven sonnets cyclically linked by their first and last lines. It was inspired by the main concepts of Special Relativity, and was written in response to the film "Kaili Blues" directed by Bi Gan.
University Job:
Physics I Supplemental Instructor
I have been an employee of the UC Learning Assistance Center for two years now, and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences yet. This past spring semester was my second time being a Supplemental Instructor, or SI, for a calculus-based Physics 1 course for engineers. The role of an SI is similar to that of a teaching assistant, but with a bit more individual responsibility. SI's attend every lecture for their assigned section, assisting with facilitation of a flipped-classroom setting and acting as a model student. The main role of an SI lies outside of class. We each plan, design, and hold biweekly 90-minute sessions during which we review the key concepts from class, do practice problems, and answer students' questions. The sessions are completely optional, but many students take advantage of them because they have such a high success rate. SI's also correspond with their assigned faculty member often to ensure they are staying on track with the course.
This semester was particularly interesting for many reasons. Without revealing too much sensitive information, may I simply summarize that the students received less than enough teaching during lecture. Essentially, they learned nothing in class, and this heartbreaking struggle consistently repeated itself for every topic. This resulted in the students relying entirely on my SI sessions to learn the material. That was a lot of pressure! I knew from prior experience that the engineering physics courses are taught very differently than physics major courses. The engineers are given equation sheets and are encouraged to rely on them, simply memorizing how to do each type of problem instead of truly understanding the process. There is little to no theory taught, and the course is extremely fast-paced. My strategy going into each session was to provide the students with the theoretical background I had been taught when I learned the topic, and then summarize what they needed to know while explicitly outlining steps to success. They quickly picked up on the points I reiterated: Step 1, list all knowns and unknowns. Step 2, choose an equation that uses everything you know, and one thing you want to find. Step 3, "stack" (or line up) all the relevant equations to see what cancels. Step 4, plug in numbers! That last step was a big hurdle for many of the students to get over. Engineers LOVE numbers. They all want to immediately type everything they know into their calculators and never even touch a variable. This hurts us physicists! When I see a student doing an F=ma problem, and all they have on their paper is 13 x 9.8 = 127.4, I tell them that's not physics! They were irritated at first, but eventually came around to seeing why variables are so much better. Using variables allows you to see how the physics affects your result, and also highlights what terms cancel to simplify your equation.
Because we spent so much time together, I developed a close bond with the students who attended my sessions regularly. I grew to know each of their personalities and learning styles, and I tailored each of my session to their specific needs. My confidence as a physicist grew a lot as I quickly realized that all the hard work I had put into learning Physics 1 last year had made me able to solve any problem on the spot. I didn't know how well I knew the material until it came time to teach it to others. After each session, the students would tell me, "This makes so much more sense now!", "I understand so much better than I did in class", and "I can do this, it's not as hard as I thought!" Those were the most rewarding moments, and I always walked away with a huge smile on my face. I loved watching people learn the things that amaze me.
The biggest challenge I faced as an SI was misogyny. Most of my students were awesome and respectful, but unfortunately there were a few male students who were very demeaning towards me. They would interrupt my session to tell me I was wrong or that they had a better way to do it. During lecture, they would laugh at me when I went around asking them questions, and would outright ignore me when I asked them to try the problem. Meanwhile, when my male coworker would ask exactly the same of them, they would comply without question and listened to him with respect. This was extremely frustrating because I was clearly beyond qualified to be teaching them the material, yet they assumed I knew nothing just because I am a woman. It was a huge learning experience for me to take the disrespect with grace, not show anger, and stand up for myself with respectful authority. Gender-based prejudice is something that female physicists face everyday, and I learned that the workplace is no exception. It was good practice for me to deal with this discrimination.
Artifact: Note Examples
Below is an example of the notes I would bring with me to each session. During my planning time, I would review my own Physics 1 notes and highlight topics that my students were also learning. Then I outlined the sequence of the session with the key points I would write on the board. If I was planning on doing practice problems, I would also write out the full solution so that I wouldn't have to spend time solving it during the session, or risk telling the students the wrong thing. It helped me to stay on track and also be confident that I knew what I was doing at all times.
For each session, I also planned an opening and closing activity to have some set structure. During the opening activity, I typically liked to ask the students what they need help with and what they feel confident on, so that I could have a better idea of how I can be most helpful to them. When the students were learning about angular kinematics, I used the activity below to introduce radians and the unit circle. They each drew the diagram on a sheet of paper and filled it in with 5 topics we had covered so far. At the end of the session, they wrote in the middle of the circle some key points that they learned and want to remember.
Honors Seminar:
Physics I for Majors
This physics class blew my mind from day one. I quickly recognized that it was going to challenge and expand my mind in ways completely foreign to me. I had heard incredible things about our string theorist professor, and knew that he would be teaching an Ivy League style with a completely theoretical perspective. In a word, that was intimidating. My only physics experience going into this was a basic kinematics high school class. Thankfully, many of my classmates were at the same place. But after a few weeks of the course, I grew terrified; I felt as if I was constantly drowning in a ruthless sea of questions, surrounded by people who knew exponentially more in a moment than I could ever learn in a lifetime. Of course, this was entirely relative to my nervous perspective. After convincing myself that I just must have a brain that’s incapable of doing physics, I finally decided that some action needed to be taken. It took about a month for me to feel comfortable enough to open up to my classmates, but once I did, things became infinitely easier. I realized that, to my utter surprise, I was not the only one who thought physics was ridiculously hard (who knew?!), and we all admitted that we were struggling. This immediately cast a wave of relief over my every concern. I was no longer alone in my studies. As a class, we became incredibly close, and began to work together on each assignment and would spend time after class studying and reviewing the lessons, and then after that we would relax together and have some of the deepest conversation I’ve ever had, usually while hanging out up in a tree. I also got to know the upperclassmen in the physics department, which has been valuable beyond words.
The University of Cincinnati physics department really is something special. It’s a community like no other. Because it is so small, we can be a close-knit support system and get to know each other on a personal level. We aren’t trying to beat each other out or fend for ourselves like some might assume, since the field of physics—and theoretical, no less—is so competitive. Rather, we all genuinely want to help each other learn and grow as students of the universe. There is always (and I do mean always) someone in the Physics Learning Center, scratching their head while staring at a chalkboard or scribbling away in a notebook, and they are ready to help anyone who might walk through the door in need of some tutoring. A few of the upperclassmen noticed I was struggling and went out of their way to reassure me that it will get easier and that the difficulty is worth it. Every physics student gets discouraged at some point, and feeling tempted to quit isn’t uncommon. But we all know in our hearts that we wouldn’t rather be doing anything else than this, and so we remind each other why we’re here: to tackle the big questions.
Knowing what you now do, I imagine it comes as no surprise that the most important lesson I learned in this course was how to rely on others for fellowship to enrich my learning process. I can say in complete candor that I would not have academically, physically, or mentally made it through this first year without the support from the deep friendships I’ve made through this physics class. I will cherish these bonds forever as we continue to lean on each other throughout our scientific careers. A lot of people, myself initially included, assume that the life of a physicist is a life of solitude, with day after day spent locked in a room with only their busy mind for company. And those people are not wrong. But they’re also missing an integral aspect to a life in STEM, and that is collaboration. This year, I learned that truly groundbreaking science needs community and teamwork to thrive, because multiple perspectives are what sheds light on the truth. So if professional researchers need each other, than I, a lowly undergrad, need community that much more. Going forward in my student life, I will know the immense value of cooperation. I will have the confidence that I have within me all that it takes to succeed. I will be equipped with the mental tools I need to approach any new lesson with wonder and awe, struck with fascination rather than fear. I will rise to every challenging occasion with excitement and with my peers at my side, because whether it be in the lab, in the classroom, or in daily life, people need other people.
Physics majors are quirky, which in turn means that the physics building is a very interesting place. To give you an idea of what I mean, just imagine walking up the stairs of the warm-toned, exposed brick Geology-Physics building, only to be greeted by a giant dinosaur skeleton hanging from the ceiling, cases filled with ancient fossils lining the perimeter, and walls covered with as many chalkboards as they can fit. Add some undergrads, post-grads, professors, and lab techs, all wired up on too much math and coffee, and you have the GeoPhysics building.
Naturally, this is the place to find the coolest knickknacks. So one October afternoon, I found myself in the lab before class. Right outside the door was a mysterious box labeled "free", and as a struggling college student this always grabs my attention. I rummaged through and found that the box was filled with old Halloween decorations, tinsel spider garlands, hanging bats, and other treasures. I pulled out the pieces of this candelabra, and assembled it to reveal its glory. I thought, who would just give away something so marvelous? Of course, I took it, because one does not simply find a Halloween candelabra (candles included) and not take it home.
The spooky decor came with me to physics class, where we decided that the only place fit for such a piece was the desk at the front of the room. We lit the candles, turned out the lights, and waited for our professor to arrive promptly at 1:25 as he did every day. Fittingly, he walked in and was hardly surprised, and continued the class as usual. I think this gives a pretty accurate description of the mischievous joy we find in life. I'm so grateful that I found a bunch with just as much zeal for adventure as I have.
Artifact:
The story of the Halloween Candelabra
